So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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