She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
