Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
