I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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