I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she woke up with a sticky ear
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
