I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
