it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just gift wrapped bread.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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