Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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