Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
our cab driver is having phone sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
