This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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