I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
