So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Say something about gay babies.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
