I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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