Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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