Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
