I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize