The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was born a porn star she said
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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