Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
