Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
