dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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