if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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