just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
