i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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