Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
