i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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