Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
