OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
