I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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