I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
