I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
