if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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