so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
