Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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