i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He shit in the fireplace
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
