I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think a kid would responsible me up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
