hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
