he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
