the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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