Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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