don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
