I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
