Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
