If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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