On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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