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He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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