Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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