I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
