It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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