My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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