Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
