Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
