You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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