apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
