Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
