remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
