Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
