Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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