Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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