I want to stick my p in your. b.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
