before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize