It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
