If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize