im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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