I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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