she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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