dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
