I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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