listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
